I’ve never professed to be good at the combat aspect of EVE, but I’m more than happy to give it a go. Even so it’s been a bit of a humbling few days for me, having lost nearly a quarter-of-a-billion isk in ships and fittings. Although I’ll readily admit that every case was as a result of my own complacency or foolhardiness.

The last couple of interviews I’ve conducted have featured pilots who avoid player-versus-player combat. Both Sevidra and Mark726 prefer to play EVE in such a way as to avoid direct conflict and after the week I’ve just had, I’m starting to agree with them.

I suppose I can at least take solace in the knowledge that I selflessly brought enjoyment and satisfaction to these pilots:

  • Kayden Drake (Point of No Return) killed my Kestrel. I was asking for it as Long Jack and I launched an unprovoked suicide attack on his Sleipnir. In tech I fitted frigates.
  • ComradeGranite (T-Wrecks) mercilessly mugged my Mammoth with an Onyx. Despite seeing that the delivery I intended to collect was in a system with only one station and several active (and locally renowned) pirates, I brazenly took the chance and was made to pay.
  • Greenbeard (Greenbeard’s Freebooters) destroyed two Kestrels and a Merlin. The frigate stage of the Freebooter’s CEO Duel was a bit of a disaster for me. Although it was closer than the current 3 kills to 1 ratio suggests.
  • Silas Sanyasi (Agony Unleashed) instapopped my Manticore with his Tempest’s artillery as I unsurprisingly botched an attempt to solo an entire fleet attacking a Paxton Federation station in Providence.
  • Jupacha (The Marauding Asha’men) crushed my Caracal with a Drake whilst I was absent-mindedly pootling about in an anomaly. My subsequent revenge attack in a Raven didn’t go well either. In local chat afterwards, we agreed that he was lucky that I was rubbish at PvP. He certainly didn’t need his four friends.

If you need any further proof, my Battleclinic record is here.

So I’m hanging up my combat jacket and amputating my trigger-finger. What I need is a fun non-combat ship. In Mark’s interview he showed us the loadout he uses for Professor Science, his buzzard explorer vessel, but I’ve already got one of those. I’d love to see some more suggestions, either in the comments below or as a meme. Let’s get creative and come up with a fleet of non-combat ship fits that the PvP-shy New Eden population can use.

What’s your fight-dodging ship of choice? A ninja-salvaging industrial? A mining battleship?

Most comical fail-fit wins.