Operator: What number please?
Mat: Hello operator, I’m trying to contact Seismic Stan of Greenbeard’s Freebooters.
Operator: Okay sir, I’m not seeing anything on the system under that name. Is it a UK address?
Mat: No, they’re based in the galaxy of New Eden about twenty-thousand years from now.
Operator: Okay, thank you, I’m transferring you now.
Seismic Stan: …Freebooter’s Office. What do you want?
Mat: Hi, is that Seismic Stan?
SS: Who’s asking?
M: Um, well, my name is Mat and I’m essentially the real you.
SS: Is this a prank call? Did Greenbeard put you up to this?
M: No, actually it was Crazy Kinux and Eelis Kiy. You see, there’s this Blog Banter thing that we…
SS: Yeah, yeah, I know about those. I write ’em for our Freebooted holozine. I was just writing this month’s one when you interrupted.
M: Oh right. What were you writing about?
SS: Not that it’s any of your business, but I thought I’d interview myself. So I can compare my answers with…er,…that’s weird, I seem to have written the start of this conversation.
M: That’s a coincidence, so have I. Perhaps we should move on before we get lost in the paradox.
SS: Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.
SS: So. Who’s interviewing who?
M: I’m not sure.
SS: Well you’ve got me at a disadvantage cos you seem to know who I am, whereas I haven’t got a clue who you are. I can’t find your file on Galnet.
M: Yeah, it probably doesn’t go back that far. I suppose the easiest way to explain it is…
SS: Easiest?! Don’t condescend me, son.
M: Sorry. Well it’s like this – from my perspective you are a character I created in a computer game called EVE Online. Whenever I log on, I take control of you and interact with other players in the universe of New Eden.
SS: What a load of tosh, no-one controls me. Sounds like you’ve been at the pharmaceuticals.
M: Okay, well in any case, Eelis Kiy wants to know what our similarities and differences are.
SS: Sounds like a load of left-wing bollocks to me, but I’ve got nothing else to do, so interview away.
M: Great. Well let’s see how similar we are. What are your hobbies?
SS: Dunno. Flying spaceships I suppose. And drinking rum.
M: Me too. What do you do when you’re not flying spaceships?
SS: Well, keeping one step of head of Greenbeard and his cronies mainly. And since I upgraded my implants and got literate, I’ve got quite into writing. I also used to collect anaerobic space fungus.
M: Well, we’ve got the writing thing in common at least and there’s a certain amount of political survival that goes on in my job, but you’re on your own with the implants and the fungus. So it seems we’re similar in some respects.
SS: Really? I’m a capsuleer and the battle-hardened CEO of a cut-throat corporation. You sound like a bit of a pasty-faced twat to be honest. Do you spend all of your time playing this ‘EVE Online’ holo-game?
M: Well no. I’m married and I have a full-time job.
SS: Doing what?
M: I’m a paramedic.
SS: That all sounds a bit Sisters of EVE – bandages and hugs. I knew you were a loser.
M: Thanks. So you’ve got no interest in women or altruism then?
SS: Well Jamyll Sarum’s got a nice rack, but I bet she’s high maintenance. Mostly women just give me a headache. They’ve got a lot in common with Vitoc and that’s another habit I’m in no hurry to get back to.
M: Okay. What about the rest of the human race? You’re not much of a humanitarian either then?
SS: Well, I’m not into sadism or anything, but I’d sooner it was the other guy suffering rather than me.
M: So where do you stand on destroying capsuleers’ pods after they’ve been defeated in combat?
SS: Well, it’s a bit unnecessary in most cases. I’d probably be happy to let them get away, but that’s not the culture, is it. ‘Do unto others as they would do unto you, but do it first.’ I always say.
M: Actually, it’s my step-Father that always says that, but since you and I share a consciousness it amounts to the same thing. My point is, for all your nonchalant space-rogue patois, you’ve got a sense of fair play and are quite honourable.
SS: Wash you mouth out boy! I’ve gutted men for saying less.
M: No you haven’t.
SS: It’s not too soon to start.
M: So you want folk to believe you’re a mean, heartless space pirate?
SS: Yarr. I is what I is.
M: A cliché?
SS: Hmmph. If we are the same person, how come I don’t like you much?
M: I dunno, maybe you have a deep-seated sense of self-loathing?
SS: You’ve got a smart mouth. You and I are going to come to blows soon.
M: That would be an interesting feat. Have you seen Fight Club?
M: Never mind. So how do you feel about the loss of life caused by Capsuleer actions? The personnel in the countless structures destroyed and the crews of destroyed ships.
SS: Well look, the loss of life is much less than many people think. The life-preserving and escape technology available for most ships is almost faultless. It’s down to the ship’s captains to ensure that that facility is installed and maintained. In those cases there is no reason why most of the crew cannot be transferred from ship-to-ship with minimal loss of life. If the captains choose not to look after their crews, that’s not for me to feel bad about, they should’ve signed up with a better ship.
M: That wasn’t a very piratey response.
SS: Truth be known, I’ve never been much of a pirate, or a mercenary. That was Greenbeard’s influence. I’m just in it for the japes.
M: See, I knew it. You and I are very similar ethically. You just put on a front because you think you have to.
SS: Great, so you’ve unmasked me. That’s my credibility as a seasoned capsuleer out of the escape hatch.
M: To be honest, I don’t think you had much credibility to start with, I’ve seen your killboard stats. Well, MY killboard stats. It’s not good.
SS: Well, I’m a risk taker. The risks just seem to rarely pay off.
M: I suppose I am… you are… we are.
SS: You really are a bit odd, aren’t you. I think you might be in need of professional help.
SS: Well, one of us does and according to your version of events, I’m just a figment of your imagination. So that makes you the owner of the team brain and therefore the one with the mental disorder, doesn’t it.
M: Yes, I suppose it does. But how about you humour me and we carry on with the interview?
SS: If we must.
M: So what are your goals and ambitions?
SS: Oh I don’t know. Who are you, my mother? So I’m a bit of a lay-about, all half-baked ideas and no end-product. Ever since I kicked the addictions, I’ve found my new clarity of thought a bit daunting. To be honest, I try not to think too hard, it makes me dizzy.
M: Hmm, I admire your honesty. I don’t think I’m quite prepared to admit that about myself. So we’ll put that down as a difference rather than a similarity.
SS: Whatever. Enough about you, let’s talk about me some more. I’ve got a good feeling about this travelling circus concept I’ve been knocking about, but that’s a story for another time.
M: So you have future plans then?
SS: Yeah, to not die much, to have fun and to get better at stuff.
M: I’d agree with that, although I’ll probably have a lot more focus on the not dying thing, given that I can only do that once.
SS: See, I knew you were soft. Anyway, are we done here? Surely Eelis has got enough material now and you’re boring me.
M: Fair enough, you’re a busy man, CEO and all that. Well thanks for talking to me, I just hope the wife doesn’t see the phone bill. Catch you later Seismic… Seismic?
List of participants:
- EVE Blog Banter #24: Be, all that you can be, and so much more!
- BB24:RL + EVE = | A Mule In EvE
- Freebooted: BB 24: You Talking to Me?
- where the frack is my ship?: Blog Banter 24: Behind the keyboard
- (OOC) CK’s Blog Banter #24: I Am Prano. « Prano’s Journey
- mikeazariah » Blog Archive » BB24 Who are you, who hoo woo hoo
- Drifting: The 24th EVE Blog Banter (January 2011 Edition) – Topic: EVE and Real Life
- Victoria Aut Mors » Blog Archive » Eve Blog Banter #24 – Where Eve Meets Real Life
- Who is more real?? « The Durzo Chronicles
- Captain Serenity: blog banter #24 – Personalities
- Confessions of a Closet Carebear: EVE and Real Life (EVE Blog Banter #24)
- The 24th EVE Blog Banter – EVE and Real Life – The Phoenix Diaries
- » EvE Blog Banter #24: EVE and Real Life EvE Blasphemy
- Blog Banter 24: In Real Life « Yarrbear Tales
- The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Alt « the hydrostatic capsule
- Blog Banter #24 – Me « Roc’s Ramblings
- Blog Banter: Personalities in game and out of game
- Fiddler’s Edge: Game Face – Eve Blog Banter #24
- Progression’s Horizon: Blog Banter 24- Synonymous or Anonymous?
- More to come….